How To Help

Do write cards or letters that the bereaved can turn to during lonely times.

Do invite conversation, let him/her feel free to talk or express feelings without embarrassment.

Let him/her tell and re-tell what has happened.

Do listen. You don't need to try to "fix" the situation, just let him/her express his/her feelings at the moment.

Do visit and call often. Respect the need for the person to be alone at times. Strive for a balance between

companionship and privacy.

Do Plan activities--invite and offer transportation. Don't be disappointed if he/she declines your invitation.

Do offer a helping hand with child or pet care, house sit, take care of yard work.

Do offer help with housecleaning-or if you see a need, start in.

Don't judge. Believe in his/her ability to get through grief in his/her own way and his/her own time.

Do offer your skills to assist with organizational & clerical support such as writing notification letters,

helping with the finances, or helping with the thank you notes.

Do Touch - hold hands, give hugs.

Do Share memories. Don't avoid conversation about the one who has died.

Do prepare meals or offer an invitation to dine out.

Do ask "What can I do?" Be sincere about what you are willing to do. Know your limits.

Only make offers if you can follow-through on them.

Do support his/her emotional show of feelings--anger, guilt, sadness, fear.

Do offer to stay over or invite them to stay with you.

Do make available personal resources i.e. a weekend stay at a beach cabin, hot tub, use of VCR, etc.